145. Don't get hung up in the lights

A walking episode: January in review!! In which we did 5 events in 10 days (wtf?), including Life Drawing and Still Life painting.

In this episode

• Apparently nobody comes to anything in January, even if they did in December
• Sell your early work, QUICK before you become a different person
• How do you teach someone to love something?
• Becoming a gym girlie in your thirties (maybe)

I mention:

• Syllabus by Lynda Barry
• Painting Portraits in Acrylic by Hashim Akib

Transcript

 Hi everyone. You're listening to Art Horse. This is a silly and serious podcast about creativity and stepping out of your comfort zone.  I'm Jess. I'm on a walk without the baby, without the dogs again. That's exciting. Never happens. It's blindingly bright. That's how few times I feel like I've left the house in the last little while. 

Um,  I  have been  up to a lot. I think the last time  I talked, we, the last time we spoke was like,  December. There's another,  more recent episode on Patreon. But, um, this is, this is the January update. How has it been going?  It has been going okay. I like, after the,  um,  you know, December was going so good, like the last things I was talking about was like,  how good the art classes were going, like they were selling out, just one after the other.

It just felt so good.  Positive,  and um, Dancing in the Dark was like selling out, like, the last one had, I think,  28 people bought tickets, 27 people showed up, like it was big. Deal, and then  so thinking that I like got ahead of everything. I was really proud of myself. I made like a whole schedule I  got a bunch of like  really pretty media together  Like not posters, but like for social media Explaining the classes like I did a bunch of really high quality stuff. 

Like I got my shit together I booked the hall for Dancing in the Dark. I  Um,  I just, I set it all up. I was like, okay, we're gonna do five Dancing in the Darks this season. They're every second Friday. If you book in advance, you can get every, any day you want. So I did that, and then  I set up a bunch of art classes, I think.

I  think I booked two, maybe? It felt like a bunch. Uh, wisely, I did not advertise the later ones.  But I, I, you know, I decided I would do some life drawing. Like, I really kind of packed my calendar.  Starting in January very early, like January 10th, was our first Dancing in the Dark.  Um,  the 24th was the next one, and so, the first art class was the 18th, like very, quite early, in the first three weeks of January, and it just,  seven people came to Dancing in the Dark, which was, like, kind of nice, because it was back to a small Group back to our humble beginnings.

It was all people that I knew I didn't have to like explain to them why they had to shut up  Like I didn't have to explain anything and it was really nice  but it just seems like attendance all around has been kind of low  and That's you know, it's hard to not take that personally I I guess like signing up for art classes has been low and it just makes me think like  Either, either it's the beginning of January, it's January, it's the beginning of the year, and we're not ready to get out and about yet, it's winter, it's cold, um,  the weekends are sunny and it's actually kind of nice outside, like, when the weather is nice people don't like to be indoors I guess,  myself included, um,  or we're just getting around that my classes are bad and now no one wants to take them, like it's like,  it's hard, I don't know, and I feel like I'm getting  Um,  someone in the, a couple people in the discord suggested that what I was feeling might be burnout.

And I think that's exactly right, like I'm feeling tired and I'm sort of starting to take things personally. And Spring said something interesting, which was, When you've overextended yourself,  You think, all these things better work out otherwise!  Like, I don't want to feel like I've made a mistake by doing this, so all these things better work out. 

And I feel that about so many things, like,  things are like such high stakes, like, this better work out, this Because I don't want to feel like I made a mistake by signing up, or like, that kind of stuff. But that's kind of the  way that I've been feeling, is like, really high,  I guess, anxiety, and like, high self. 

Self-centeredness self-awareness. Self self-awareness is positive. Self-centeredness, more negative. Like  thinking about  just myself only and it doesn't feel very good.  Um, but  dancing in the dark,  I dunno. Three more. I thought that I was falling out of love with it, but last time I had a good night. And it's easier when the baby has a good night too.

So we're doing all this with a little  1-year-old in tow. She comes to every event she comes.  She doesn't dance in the dark, but like, Greg comes and we set up, and then Greg goes home and, or goes for a drive, and I, I run the event, and then he picks me up.  Um, but, they both come to all the art classes and all the, so it's not even just my time. 

You know, that I'm  wasting,  uh, if an event doesn't work out, so,  that's another, another thing, but, um,  yeah, so, here's, here's what happened, I guess, Life Drawing went well, there were seven people came,  which was really cool, like, three people from the Life Drawing community that already exists, plus four people who,  like, one person I had never met, which was neat, and then, Three people who I know,  um, who 

like don't usually come to maybe, well, one person who usually comes to my own art events and then two people who come to some dance events. And so it was kind of,  it was cool. Like the model was really great. We did two and a half hours, um, two kind of halves, like with short poses that worked up to long poses. 

Um, I had, like,  done all of this really I've done this two times, actually, now that I think of it. I did all of this work around, like, setting up lighting. Like, Greg and I and Zeta went to the studio, um, and we set up all this lights, like, to light the platform where the model would stand, and it just didn't feel warm or inviting.

It kind of felt cold. And like,  I don't know, it just didn't feel right. I'm like, okay, well we got shadows, maybe shadows are interesting. Like, I was really hyper fixated on the idea of there being,  like, shadows on the model. Um.  And then they came, and then after the first half, they were like, It's really dark in here, can we just turn the lights on?

Like, I've got those  sort of Costco,  um, hanging lights, like string lights.  And so we turned those on, and it was awesome! Like, it was way better, like, everybody could see really well. And  the model  decided to disrobe, we had just, we had thought that it Uh, or we had planned for it to be a clothed session, but  she felt comfortable enough to,  uh, take her clothes off.

And so we got to have a nude model, which is fun because it's a different experience. Um,  and some people are just so used to drawing nude models that they don't really want to do it another way.  Uh, even though it's totally valid to draw clothed models, whatever. Um, But it went well. We had a coffee pot of decaf coffee.

Like, we got a coffee pot for the studio and we got a Keurig with those reusable. K cups or whatever?  And so we can brew a pot of decaf, but if you want caffe or the opposite, like we can have both caffeinated and decaf coffee. We can have quantities or we can just have one cup. Like it's, it's so good for classes.

It just makes people feel really cared for, I think, that there's like hot  coffee and like  people really liked it. And the snacks, like, kind of minimal snacks. We had snacks that weren't too crunchy so people eat them while they're drying without annoying everybody.  Like grapes. I guess grapes can be a little crunchy, but like, we didn't have chips, even though I love chips.

Um,  but, yeah, it just, it went really good. Like, the,  it was really, uh,  I forgot how fun it is to do life drawing, too. Like, to sit there and,  and make a bunch of things in a row and not look at them too closely and then look back at them and go, whoa, cool! Or like, to forget how to draw and then remember. Like, I really just enjoyed that sort of structured  Structured experience, and also for a first time, like, I had never hosted one.

I've gone to Life Drawing a bunch of times, but never actually made one happen, so it was cool to,  cool to do that. Um, I would like to do it more, but I don't know. You  know, like I don't, I don't know, it's hard to get a model. Um, actually I've never actually really tried. Like the first person that I asked, if they knew anyone, volunteered to do it. 

Um, so, maybe it's actually easy to get a model.  Uh, and I know that she would do it again, so that's really cool. And she had a great playlist, and she was just really Good at picking poses, like it, I, I was really  proud of that event, like to do something new, and for it to go well, and to be, like, pretty well attended, like, there was only seven people there, but it was pretty, it felt full, like, there wasn't really We set up in a corner and there wasn't that many more places to sit.

Um, next time though, I think I might do it in the middle of like, not in the middle, but like on a Sunday morning.  Um, just because driving at night is a challenge around here.  People don't really like it. And  also it turns out that the lighting isn't as big of a deal as I was making it. Like I wanted to do it at night because I wanted to be able to control the light. 

But it turns out it doesn't matter.  So that is my, my life drawing synopsis. Pleased with how that went. Um,  and then I did a couple art, or one art class that was not well attended but was still fine, like we got to do more. Of what they wanted. We looked at some Tom Thompson art books from the library. And then we did some studies based on that, because that's what they wanted to do. 

Um, but I was here for whatever and I was there to support, so that was nice.  Um, and then I did, I wanted to do this painting club, where we all come and you can like pay twenty bucks to drop in, to have like studio space and coffee and tea for like four hours, and just paint or whatever.  My thought was like just to paint because I thought I could. 

Be specific like that, but I think maybe I can't actually, but one person signed up and then a half an hour before the event Like we're already we just arrived at the studio. We're setting everything up  and then she cancels and so that was a That that turned out to be good For me because then I could just paint and actually relax because it's been a like all these five like I did five events I think in like ten days Which is like a lot. 

Um, so it was nice to have a break, but I had stressed about it. So maybe the issue is me finding a way to not  worry so much.  Um, but okay. Here is something cool that happened, is I have been a part of the Artists Guild in town for like, since we moved here. Like, the,  we moved here in October.  Uh, January 1st, we went to meet the neighbours down the road, and she is part of the guild.

And she was like,  Hey, do you want to do a show in February?  Like, just a little show, like 10 pieces or whatever. And so, that was my introduction to the guild. Um, And sort of starting to show art, like it was just real,  um,  real,  uh, feet first jump into  showing art for sort of the first time, which was kind of exciting.

I was really honored to have that show. Now I know, though, that February is like an impossible spot to fill because,  like, they've got this little sort of wall in a business building where it has windows, people can look at it. The art is like protected, kind of.  Um, and like, it's on display. It's like a display case. 

And uh, we get people to go in there every month. Or there's like a group show that everyone paints for and submits their art. But February, it's like,  everybody's just getting back after the holidays. Like literally no one ever takes it. Like I've been here since 2021.  Like a member since 2021. And I've done it on short notice two times.

So that does not count 2025. So out of four years, 21, I did it twice.  And so I, I was kind of thinking like, Okay, we didn't get anybody this year.  It's nice to, like,  to ask somebody who doesn't have to do a lot of work  if they're gonna do it, you know? Like somebody who already has all of the artwork all done and just like could show, but like those people show there all the time already.

And so I had this thought, like, what if we did like a group painting?  Um, activity.  Where we did like a group, cause I've kind of had this feeling about the Artist's Guild that we kind of get together for meetings and we talk about stuff. We've done a bunch of stuff together, like we've done group shows.

We did a group show in the next town, we did a show in Williams Lake one time.  Um, so like, it's not like they don't do anything, but we don't do anything together really. So, our main  interactions are like at the meeting, which happens every month.  And then if you go to coffee after the meeting, like, you get to talk to everybody, but you don't really, like, we're all there to, because we're artists, and so, I thought it'd be really cool if we did some art together.

So I put it forward  to, uh, my, the person, the other person that runs the showcase with me. The per, the head, basically. She, look, she runs it and I help. Um,  but we, like, hang the artwork every month. Uh, but I, I suggested to her that we, Do a, like a, we get everybody together, we do a still life show, like we paint a still life together, and then  we hang those pieces from that event  in the showcase gallery.

And, at first, like,  she didn't really like my idea.  And like, I think, just for years I've just felt so frustrated, like I suggest things and then they, they don't, either I don't suggest them in the right way, or  they're just not good ideas, I don't know, like not good ideas, or Um, people aren't ready to hear them, or I don't have enough people on my side about it.

And so,  it's kind of unusual for me to make a suggestion for it to go through and actually work.  Um, although that's been happening more lately, which is good. Like that brainstorm that I led about themes,  but this is not about that. So I'm talking to  Carol, and she  Doesn't really, she's still going like, okay, but like, who could we get?

Like, I'd be like,  okay, like, well, what if we did this, like, thing? We get everybody together, we set up some stuff, we paint it. And she's like, okay, but like, who do we know that already has all the paintings? And I'm like, UGH!  So, I, I talked to the people that I know and, like, know more personally from the group.

And I got them all on my side. And they said they would do it, um,  they would come. And so I had like six people, and then I announced it to everybody. And then I think I got up to like 11 people, including one brand new member. Like one person whose first experience of the Artist's Guild would have been that day. 

She couldn't make it eventually, or at the end of it. But, uh, she was, she said she would. But she was on my first list. And so, 11 people, like that's a huge deal.  Uh, and then it came around, and I think we got  Seven?  Like, I think with everything, it's almost like 25 people don't show up.  But seven people came and painted, and like, we set up this Like, Carol has so much  Stuff, like decorative things, like she has a lot of like  really like high quality fake flowers kind of thing and she's got like all kinds of vases and jugs and like, she collects teapots, like that kind of thing.

Um, so she had a lot of stuff to choose from, so we picked like five. Displays. We bought some oranges. Um, this is another time that I spent like probably an hour trying to set up nice lighting and then the next day, didn't matter because I got big windows and the sun just like, all my lighting just went to shit.

But I took some real nice pictures  of it. Um, when it was set up nice. So,  anyway,  they came. They painted. And it was like,  it was really special actually, because  like, you know, uh, A couple people used pastels. And everyone at some point got up and walked around and looked at other people's work and like chatted and I think like  the  We just have not people who don't know each other who haven't lived here for a very long time That are in the artist guild like we don't know each other personally very well, so it was really cool that  Like, everybody could have that experience, and then,  like, some people, they got a little ways, and then they went home to, like, finish it, so they've got a week to finish it before it hangs.

A couple people did,  one person did two pieces,  um, and I kinda did two,  but it was just so cool to see, and like, okay, also, a lot of people who take, usually, a very long time to paint,  mostly, like, one person mostly finished their painting. In like, the four hours that we were there. And  that's, like she was saying, like how unusual that was, and I just thought that was just the coolest thing ever. 

Um,  so, that is,  that was yesterday.  And I just, I am feeling,  uh, tired. I'm feeling tired. But I'm feeling pretty good about that.  I think,  let me just look at my notes because I took some, and I just want to make sure that I don't miss anything. Um, 

yeah, yeah, so I'm really proud about how that went, and I'm really proud of myself for  sticking up for my idea. And making it  happen.  Like I think, and like while we were there, there was a guy that was like, Oh, you know, I would really love to do like a, this again, but like plein air. Like in the summer, or like the spring, I would like to, everybody goes outside and paints. 

Just outside and I just love that energy like I love  like he's a newer member so it's like  It feels extra special to me to be like  breathing life into this thing for new members who will breathe their own life into it. Who will attract new members who will breathe their own life into it. I just feel really excited about that.

Um, I had decided for my  classes that I wanted to make a zine about like how to show your work  in Hunter Mile. And it kind of came to me on like a Like a breeze, like I just sat down one day for like an hour and just  banged out all the information that I knew, like kind of a brainstorm. And I ended up with like, the right number of pages. 

I'm having a bit of a hard time organizing it, cause I'm not sure. It's like that thing where you're trying to put yourself into the,  I guess the heart and mind and intentions of the readers  of the zine because I'm trying to like,  I'm trying to empower new artists, beginning artists to share their work in public, which is a big deal.

Um, 

just looking at a really weird footprint in the snow. Um, and so I was like, okay, well, there's, I wasn't sure, I'm not sure how to break it up, but Greg suggested to do Like a flowchart. So like,  um,  how to show your work in 100 Mile. Do you already have a piece in mind that you want to share? And then that like, there's an answer of where you could show it and how to do it.

And then if you'd like to paint for a theme and you want to paint like one piece,  here's a bunch of themes that are coming up in 2025, like this year, that you could paint and like be a part of.  And here's how to like, where you need to be a member of and like where, where to show it and all that stuff.

And then like if you want to do,  Like, if you want to go for it and make, like, a solo show, or a, uh, show with, like, another artist or something,  here's how you do that. Like, here's where you can apply to do that, or here's where you put your name down to show in the showcase. Like, that's the kind of thing that I want to do, and, like, to write down the themes. 

And, like, I have been kind of frustrated because I'm like, well, I literally don't know how to join this group. Like, the only reason I joined it is because  my neighbor. And  I don't know how I would tell somebody else and then I learned how to do that and it's like there's a lot of things that aren't written down And I'm understanding why I guess because  I don't know like  it's a lot Like it's difficult to know what is important to write down and what isn't  Like my little booklet I want to put like how to like you have to have your work ready for hanging if you've never done that before Here's just really how you do it  like you not how you do it But like where you get the stuff like you can get it at the hardware store.

It looks like this  And then you hang it on the back like 

where you put the wire kind of like I feel like that would be useful and then I want to put a little page on like  here's how to price your work because everyone wants to know and nobody Is able to give a straight answer, so like, here's what I would say If you asked me to my face, here's what I would say to your face.

Like, how to price your work. And like, for  my answer to that is like,  And like, I don't know. There's no right answer. My answer is there's no right answer. Um, I'm gonna say like, many people price, for visual art, Meaning,  like,  not all the visual art, but like, art that is made to hang on walls.  Um, paintings, particularly people can price by square inch sometimes, like I did this, my therapist was like, well, like look around and see what people charge  then. 

And so I looked up some galleries and I, I did a little deep dive on different artists and I was like, wait, how much artists, how much experience does this artist have? Like, did they go to art school? Are they self taught?  Um, and then how much do they charge per square inch? And there was quite a variation, like there was from like 80 cents to like, I think 5.

Like, it was like, uh. It depends where you look, you know? Um,  and so finding art that's similar to yours and what it's priced at is also helpful. Um,  and  also though, like, as somebody who's been making for like a while and has like a lot of I'm like starting to build up stuff. I have a lot of birdstrips stuff,  you know? 

As you can probably imagine after a thousand days of making art every day, I've got boxes of papers of drawings of birds on them. And like  My advice, if I could tell myself, would be to have sold those  a long time ago. Like, to have sold them while I was making them.  And sold them sort of affordably, you know, like 20 to 50 kind of thing. 

Um, for an original piece of art.  Just because,  then, if you don't do that, you end up with like,  all of your stuff.  And you just like, you don't have anywhere to put it. And there's an artist in town who paints a lot, like extremely prolifically. He sells a lot of work, he lives off of his own.  He lives quite sparely, like,  on not very much, but he lives off of his paintings. 

That makes it sound like he's eating them, he's not eating them.  Um, that I know of. But he,  he's saying like, you just end up with the dregs because people come and they pick out the good ones and then what you have is like the leftovers like after years of people just picking out the good ones, you just have a bunch of paintings that  never sold and they kind of, he said they haunt you. 

Because you're like, well why didn't that one sell? And so, I guess my last piece of advice would be to sell like price them so that Price them to sell.  Price them affordably. And then like, over time, raise your prices. Someone said like, if you raise your price 5 percent a year,  then no one will notice.  Um,  and I just, I thought that was kind of fun advice, because  I just don't keep very good track, and I want to keep better track so that I, and like I want to have a system so that every time someone goes, how much is that one?

I don't just go, just say them. Say, give them a price.  But it's almost like, if you ask me, and you're, you might buy it right now and you ask me. Right now,  that's pretty valuable, so that's worth a discount, I think.  Um, if I, like, that's less work that I have to do, so that's nice. But, that's my pricing advice.

And so I was thinking of putting that in the zine, but I do have this feeling, like, I want to, like, embellish it, like, I want,  like, I really loved  the  art horse zines, like,  the way that the art, the work was showcased in the captions and stuff, but also, like, I really loved my own  Like workmanship on the introduction page, like there was one where it was like Fiona at the time was working at Shopify and so there was a lady dressed in like 80s wear with her feet on the desk on the phone and then me, the person that represented me was like this little old lady  with a parrot on her arm because I was like fresh out of Bird Strips at that time and  I just, I cut them out of magazines and I just Just put it on the page.

I just really like that sort of digital collage.  And now I'm like, uh, like I want it to be like that, but like, do I have the time and energy to make it nice? Or could I just make like a first draft, staple it together? Like, could I just write it,  staple it together, give it to people  and then like next year  make it nice.

Cause a lot of the information will be the same and then I could spend my time doing that work. So I think I might have to let that one go. Before it's perfect, which is kind of exciting. Like, I like that kind of work. Um,  or I like,  I like, in theory, working that way.  Uh,  I had a revelation about, not a revelation, I was reading  Syllabus by Linda Barry, which was actually,  it's, so, if you have Making Comics,  Um,  I would say,  like, it pains me to say that there was a better book, because I love Linda Barry so dearly, and she thinks so deeply about,  um, making comics, particularly, but art in general, and, like, I just love it so much, but Syllabus was kind of harder to read, because it's a, basically a big document of, like, this very, a class that I think for her to teach was kind of life changing,  a semester of, you know,  A semester of classes where she guided people.

It's like the unthinkable mind she had. It's just a very interesting idea. The book is denser and less actionable than making comics, so if you have to choose, choose making comics. But at the very, very end, like probably on the last page of syllabus, there's this quote.  And it says,  it's from, I think,  A lecture, maybe? 

From someone else, but it says, What every teacher is doing is teaching someone how to love something.  And the quote is by Jenny Brown, Bloomington, Indiana, June 9th, 2011. And, uh,  That's what it says below it.  That just blew my mind because I'm thinking like I've got a couple more art classes coming up before I'm probably going to take like a break,  um, and  just when you think, okay,  because before I was like, okay, how do I teach them to paint? 

How do I teach them to paint? And they've got, some people are just total complete beginners who are new to paint brushes, new to colors, um, new and sort of where I I feel like I start, which might be in the wrong place, it's like,  not even composition, but process? Like, that's kind of where I start.  And I don't really cover a lot of those basic things. 

Um, which maybe I should. But, it's a different, it's a very different question to ask yourself, how do I make someone,  how do I teach someone to love this?  And like,  I think the answer is, for painting,  for acrylic painting, is like,  teaching somebody how  Like a few things that make it so Like eliminating the stuff that makes you go, AHHHHHH!

Most of them, like, for instance, to notice when your paintbrush is like too full of stuff and then you put your paint, you try to make a mark and then it gets like just a pure blue from a different palette, like colour on your palette or like some bullshit like it, you know, like, wipe your brush off, like just small stuff  Like that, to make the process more enjoyable.

I feel like  that can help somebody to love something. To make somebody feel safe. How do you make someone feel  safe in a class where  they feel really new to something?  I think I haven't,  I just kind of started teaching classes. And I, I don't have any education on education. Or I don't have, so I'm just kind of, I've had a lot of experience, but. 

The first couple classes are you just trying to do your best and learn, and so I'm glad I started, and also I want to do better, so.  I'm just thinking about that, I guess, for next,  for next couple of classes.  For my own art, I,  so I bought a book, Portraits. God, what's it called? The author is Hashim Akib.  I think that's how you say his name.

Um, he's a contemporary painter, paints with a big flat brush like me. Um, and he, I bought, it's a portrait book.  Uh, portraits, uh, guy, painting portraits, painting portraits in acrylic, something like that.  And  the pictures are so,  like, life, not lifelike, but like vivid in the way that I just really love. And I,  I want to be able to do that. 

Cause I think every time I paint a person, I just, I'm so thrilled. Like, I painted a little tiny Greg.  Like I had a, I've had a painting for a long time of Greg looking through a wine glass. His little mouth is really small. It's really funny. And then the other day I painted a study. Another photo from that same day. 

And it's just really small. It's just on paper. But it's so funny, like, I, like his little mouth is in the glass and then his mouth is outside the glass too because that reflection or whatever of the,  the glass and like,  or refraction? I don't know, like it's twisting the image. And  it's just such a  ridiculous thing, like in the spirit of  Linda Barry, like look what I made while I, look, look what was being made. 

Look what made itself. I don't  like it's it's a it's a thing. It's his own thing It's it took on a life of its own without me even really  doing anything and it's like Linda Barry so much of her work says like  Like it don't like it don't matter like she  It's like, I hate this drawing. And then, she has a comic that says, I hate this drawing.

And then,  the other person in the comic says like, And yet, it persists, despite your  dislike. How about that? Like, it's like, it doesn't matter whether you like something or not. It's its own thing. None of your business, basically. Um, and I just love that energy. And,  that portrait is in that energy. It's like,  if you let something, if you can like,  If you can stay with it long enough to let it come to life,  what a precious thing. 

Like, it's, it's just so cool. And there's so many times where I, I go like, ah, like I, I gotta stop. Like I was painting, I decided I wanted to paint more portraits, so I painted a study of the baby the other day. And like, right at the end I was struggling. I was trying to paint her little eyes. And they were just not working and I smudged them over her face, like, kind of like a mask.

And I was like, ugh! Like, I give up. I can't do it. And then I just, I was like, no, you gotta keep going. And so I did. And it just, it had the same sort of energy. Like, I got to the end. I got to the end where it had all of its component parts.  Like, it felt finished, even if it didn't look  like her. Like, that book just says, like, Aim to get something that looks human. 

And then Like, you know, go from there.  And so,  it looks human, and I'm just, I'm thrilled, thrilled by that. And so, I want to do more. I think every time, when I'm not teaching a class, every time I do studies, I'm gonna try to throw a person in there,  just for my own enjoyment. Like, even painting the dog a couple years ago, I just, those are my favorite paintings.

They're so ridiculous.  So, I'm feeling  excited about that, I guess. Feeling  Feeling like I kind of have a direction. I'm not sure, there's a couple of shows coming up this year that I'm supposed to be painting for,  and it's going okay.  Like I, I,  I'm painting some things that are a little harder for me than usual.

Like I, I've got this painting that I'm working on that's like hands pushing forward in like a breaststroke,  swimming.  I can hear myself telling you this already, so forgive me, but I went out and I had like my phone That dashboard holder for the phone. I had that in my teeth and I took a slow motion video and then I used that to get  a still, like a pic I picked like the nicest  stroke  and then I, I painted a study and then I painted a bigger study and now I'm doing like a,  I think it's maybe three feet wide  by two feet and I'm just, I'm trying to paint it.

I painted a bunch of it upside down so that I could like try to get the stuff in the right place without thinking too hard because it's like There's waves and there's something about,  like, we kind of think.  You know, without tons of practice, we think of things as symbols, like we go, Oh, hand. I know what a hand looks like.

Then we paint a hand. I know what a wave looks like. We paint a wave. It looks like this. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Like, repeated, like a scalloped edge. Like, that's what a water looks like, right? Or a bird looks like an M. Like, we have all of these ideas in our head about what things look like. And so, flipping something upside down really helps you,  um,  uh, see it without Thinking too hard about it.

And so I did that, but I think I did that for too long because then I ended up with some stuff in the wrong place.  Uh, but it was a good start. It's just, it's, I'm really, I'm really being challenged by it, and I feel like for my painting classes when I'm doing demos and stuff, I've just been painting easy stuff that I don't really have any feelings about, like I don't really, like I feel really pleased and proud of them when they're done, but I don't feel,  I guess I do feel frustrated, but I don't feel like it's not personal.

It's not as personal as like trying to paint.  I don't know,  you're a dead dog, and then it looks like a hippopotamus or something, like, it's not that personal.  And so to paint something that I really care about getting right is like,  uh, tough.  Tough. It's tough.  Navigating making art and  getting, getting things to look right.

But I'm  really excited, like, I can tell. So in my studio, the paintings are hung up on the wall. We got, like, Greg put up some.  Like, I think it's called EMT, like, pipe that wire would go through. He made some, like, wooden,  what is that, supports? Like, holders for the pipe. And then the chain comes down, which is from the hardware store we hung it on with S hooks.

Uh, so I have a gallery wall, which is really cool.  But it's all my old work. Like, it's all from 2023.  Which, when I did my first solo show, I did all those paintings. Like, it's all of those that did not sell. I'm looking at the, so I look at the dregs all the time.  And I'm tired of it, but now that I'm, like, painting a little more, like, I paint, I start paintings for classes, and I, I do a bunch of studies, and then I, I'm just, I feel like I've been doing The work, and I can see that my work is changing,  and I like it.

Like, I like  feeling like I'm,  I'm growing.  I'm, like, watching my skill develop and, like, also feeling a sense of, like,  Am I ready for a new colour palette? Like, uh, do I need 

I don't know, like, am I, what,  am I ready, am I feeling drawn to different colors? Like, different sorts of  colors other than, cause I just feel like I've been looking at  like, neon pink mixed with a primary yellow for so long now. Like, that's my orange, and now that I'm trying to paint people, like, that's not a very, doesn't make a very convincing skin color.

And also,  people have always said this, and I've never seen it until now.  Like, after painting with acrylics for a few years, like, people go, oh, well, acrylic dries, like, duller or darker than it goes on. Like, when it's wet, it looks really bright, but when it dries, it's more dim.  I have never noticed that, and now I am noticing that.

Like, I'm trying to paint some, like, skin color, and then the paintings look kind of dull.  And I guess before, I might have chalked it up to, like, my own ability with color mixing, but now I'm like, oh. 

So,  it's exciting. It's exciting to be on the  verge of some Some growth. So  that's, that's where I'm at with that stuff. I also, I went to the gym for the first time in probably  20 years.  I, I just, I decided I would try it. I have a friend who was going and she said, like, she's got this, a trainer, and so I went and I booked a session with the person.

I, like, we had this, like,  consultation. It was like, come in for a free consult, and I just, I wasn't sure because it kind of felt like, like I was, I was really guarded because I'm not, I don't believe just anybody, you know, like I don't, I know a lot about that stuff by now, like I know a lot about nutrition now, and I know a lot about  fitness and that kind of thing, and  She, I kind of felt like sitting there, like both of the people that own the gym were there, and they were,  I just kind of felt like,  I felt kind of condescended to a little bit, because I'm like, I know, I know a lot of stuff, and it feels like they're acting like I don't know anything.

But that's a personal issue of my own, I'm sure. Um, so I was like, I don't know if we're gonna vibe, like, I don't know what this is gonna be like. But actually, I went, and it was awesome. Like, she was really kind, and knowledgeable, and like, encouraging,  and she didn't make me feel stupid, she,  I just, I was really, I liked it, and I, you know what,  I, I liked  the act of  lifting weights.

I never thought I would say that. Like that was what my high school gym class was all about, was like, we just had to do that, and so it kind of  soured me on the notion, but it's so different to approach things as an adult. Like I just feel like I have such a  more broad view of things.  Like, in, if I go to a group class and like, I used to worry that I looked stupid, but now I'm like, Man, look at us all here together!

All of us want to get something out of it. All of us are in a different place. There's some things that, like, everybody has some things that they're really good at and some things that they struggle with. And they're different for everybody, like, how cool! And so  I just, as an adult, am experiencing things differently than I did when I was younger.

And I just love  that you can have a second chance at stuff like that. Because, like, imagine if you went through life and you just had,  like, a mediocre experience with something, and you were like, well, check that off the list, never doing that again. I mean, I know people,  we all have limited time and energy, and so,  you don't want to go back to something that you don't like.

But, it just makes me think, like, as a kid,  Like, I just, there's things that I didn't think for myself that would be even  possible. Like,  uh, thinking about, like, myself, I, I remember when my back was so bad, I'm like, I'm never gonna be, I thought I was maybe one day be strong, or be able to, like, do sports, like. 

And I just thought those things  weren't in the cards for me. Like, I thought I'd made my choices in my life at, like, what was I, 25? Like,  I thought that everything would just  Diminished from then,  and um,  Like, the, being trained by a trainer was kind of a really sweet, sweetly intimate thing. Like, we weren't touching or anything, but just like, for her to  be so caring, And, like, caring in a  In a business y way, like, but like, paying attention to me,  and like,  Helping me make changes that were,  I don't know, it's just intimate.

That sort of,  what is that called? That sort of paying attention ness.  It was like, surprisingly,  Intimate, and also when I left, I just felt so positive, like, I felt like, oh my god, I'm like,  I'm a gym girl now!  So funny, I went once, I may never go again. My plan is to go again, but you never know.  But when I was there, I was like, God, I need, like, I need to get new shoes.

I need to get new shirt. I need to, like, look like I belong. Like, it was a really interesting capitalist experience, that part. But I know I can just show up in what I have  and I'm gonna try to do that because, like, I can tell that that's a toxic way of thinking. But you do need the things.  You do need equipment sometimes, and so I'll keep that in mind.

Um,  but the other thing that I was thinking was,  I went to a hockey game,  um,  the other day, and for the first time ever, I felt like Maybe that would be fun.  Like I think, so when I was growing up, my dad played hockey. We had, we lived by a lake when I was little. And um,  we'd plow the ice and skate on it. And I just, I never, I don't know why. 

Because I Yeah, I don't know why but I just never really learned how to skate like my ankles always go in I just didn't  I would get blisters from my skates like I  May I don't know but I the weird thing is that I love contact sports like I loved roller derby so much it like just hit the right spot for me  and  but now I'm like I don't people break their ankles I know not everybody breaks their ankles, but I Just I don't think I have it in me  To break my ankle. 

And I know you can break your ankle other ways, but, uh,  still, still love it. Still love it. But maybe I'm a little more cautious now. Um,  but I looked, I watched a hockey game and I was like, like in person at the arena and it was like kids.  And I was like, this actually could be fun. And I remember Gabrielle was saying like that she started playing hockey in the discord.

She was talking about that and like how  fun it was to be doing that as like an adult. And like, I was kind of thinking like,  is there a, is there a universe in which as an adult I learn?  To skate,  and learn to,  like, play a whole new sport.  Because,  like, for me, I think,  when I think of hockey, I think of being really sensitive about not knowing how. 

And,  to be made to feel  like I don't belong there.  Um, belonging, central, central thread of my life. Um, but I, I just, if I could  Like maybe there's a world in which I learn how to play hockey as an adult. I just thought that was kind of a neat idea  Anyway, those are my updates. Those are all my thinking's for  January and I'm  just excited for what's next spring said  either  like take a little break and  Like, think about things that people actually want to do right now.

Think about what you want to do. Try to meet people where they're at, and that's how you can get people to show up when maybe they otherwise don't really feel like it. Or,  take a real break.  You know, and work on stuff that you want to work on, and then come back when you know people are ready to do things. 

And so, I guess that's what I'm doing next. I got a couple more art classes, but I think after that I'm going to take it easy.  It'd be nice to have a little break to do.  I don't know what, I don't know what.  I need, I need some downtime to be able to figure that out. So  yeah, that's my update. Thanks for listening.

And, uh, I will talk to you next time. Bye.